What should I do if he cheats?

What should I do if he cheats?

Well, clearly you leave him right? Isn't that what every woman does? The answer to that is no, not every woman leaves. Let's talk about why:
Women are emotional creatures, so THEY say. I don't want to generalize though, so let's just say that most women are emotional creatures. We tend to fall in love deeply, and most of the time, we fall in love with people who don't deserve it. In this case: Cheaters.
So what should you do if he cheats?

Well, there are clearly many options, but if you're not going to leave him, here are three things you should do:

1. Stop Living in Denial. What led to this cheating? Of course there are a lot of factors as to why people cheat. The love is lost, it was a mistake, so on. But c'mon, if you cheat when you are in your mid-20's and above, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING. We need to stop making excuses for people. Many excuses range from "He was drunk" to "I pushed him away." There are always excuses. We need to stop doing that. There is no excuse to cheating. The reason why someone cheats is because they wanted to cheat. Yes, it's that simple. No one is untouchable to the betrayal of cheating, it is possible for everyone. The "cheater" simply chose to cheat. Unless they have a mental illness of some sort, they consciously made a choice. Stop making excuses, stop living in denial.

2. Evaluate the Relationship. Is it worth staying? Are there children involved? Do you seek counseling? Only you and your cheating partner will know what to do next. Of course your cheating partner will want to move on and forget the "mistake," but is that going to be enough? No, it's not enough. Clearly, you need to make your cheating partner work for it. They have to be ready and willing to do everything to save the relationship. Of course, you're already willing to since you're more than willing to forgive his lying, cheating ways, but you have to make sure that he makes sacrifices. Obviously you don't want to turn into a psycho and monitor every movement BUT he needs to communicate and compromise. Setting boundaries is a MUST and that leads to number 3.

3. Communicate/Compromise/Boundaries. Yes, he needs to CCB in order to gain your trust back. If there is something you're not comfortable with, make sure to set some boundaries and SPEAK UP. Don't marinate in anger. You will only make things worse for yourself. If your partner is back to his old behavior, which led to the cheating, SPEAK UP. Say something. Again, if you feel uncomfortable about something- make sure you set boundaries from the start. Don't set boundaries after the fact, do it from the very beginning to make it clear where you stand. Acting as if the person never cheated, and allowing him to treat you the way he did before will only lead to more cheating. Trust me! We have seen it happen. Now if you're afraid to speak up- is there more going on in the relationship? Abuse? Please seek help.

Always remember: You deserve better. No, don't just nod, BELIEVE IT. YOU DESERVE BETTER. We all deserve to be treated with respect and honesty, but most of all, with LOVE. It's always in your hands to make a better decision for yourself. Remember that.

If you or a loved one is suffering from a mental illness please contact:
The National Alliance on Mental Illness
1-800-950-NAMI (6264)

If you or a loved on is a victim of Domestic Violence please contact:
The National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-7233
TTY
1-800-787-3224


Truly,


Paulo Jr.